REASONS WHY CAPTAIN
JANEWAY IS BETTER THAN CAPTAIN PICARD
I never liked Star Trek till bout 3 years ago....I found this somewhere and thought it was
funny so I'll share with ya! :)
- One word: hair
- More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers
- Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
- Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
- Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
- Keeps her First Officer properly in the dark.
- Can speak "technobabble" with the best of them.
- Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet.
- Picard could never act like a prostitute to gain a tactical
- Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 1/2
- Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to
admit they're lost and pull over for directions.
- Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet.
- Looks better in sleepwear.
- Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.
- Isn't French with an English accent.
- "Take this cheese to sickbay!" I don't know why this is
here, either, but I loved that line!
- Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering
- When Janeway lands her ship, it can take off again.
- Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead
of trying to convince them to behave better.
- To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly
way. Picard sings a song...in French...about a monk...who can't wake up for morning bells.
- The only child on Voyager is a cute little thing with horns.
- Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo.
- Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her
- She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.
- Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles.
- Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of
trying to weasle her way out of it with
- 40 episodes without surrendering the ship.
- 40 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship.
- Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and
lungs. Picard's holodecks create maniacal evil geniouses
who yet again take over the ship.
- She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.
- Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in
Sherwood Forest. However, if she did, she would look
- Same level of sexual tension between Doctor and Captain.
- Has kids and they're cute little things.
- Never worries about meeting a son she never knew she had.
- Kirk looked good in ripped shirts; Picard looked good without a
shirt; Janeway would look... no, they can't do that on
- Doesn't force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to
blend in with a primitive planet.
- She doesn't waste time learning foreign languages. All lifeforms
in the Delta Quadrant speak perfect English.
- Her engineer does not wear a banana clip over her eyes.
- Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.
- Doesn't have a Counselor on board (thank God!).
- Her telepath only lives nine years.
- Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman)
has gone before" and took them to the extreme.
- 45,000 light-years is one thing. Every point in the universe
instantaneously? That's excessive!
- Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will
one day come to a greater understanding." Janeway threatens
them with "the deadliest of force."
- Janeway's holo-characters fall in love with her. Picard's
holo-characters want to kill him.
- Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail.
- The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that only
Worf could stomach.
- Janeway doesn't have to point which way to go when they set off.
- Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess
- Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean,
"Boy, Paris, are YOU ever stupid."
- Doesn't need her first officer's permission to blow up her ship.
- The highest field commision Picard ever gave out was "Acting
- Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. I can't help myself!
- Hugs her Vulcan from time to time.
- Has a more manly voice.
- Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight
- Has a dog and a significant other, not some damn fish!
- Had sex with a crewmember and "might have initiated it."
- Kes. Troi. No contest.
- Nealix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable.
- At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook
every time she wants something to drink.
- Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles.
- Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy.
- Her CONN officer can use contractions.
- Her first officer has a halucinogenic device.
- Her Security Officer draws his phaser at the first hint of
trouble. Picard's Security Officer gets beat up by half the aliens
that come aboard.
- Her Security Officer would never drink prune juice.
- Hostile aliens surrounding her, half the crew are spies, the
nearest help is 75 years away, and she's still kept the ship
- None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over
the ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or
enslave all humankind.
- To help her relax, Janeway's first officer helps her contact her
spirit guide. Picard's first officer helps him get . . . to Risa.
- Riker never smiled at Picard that way.
- Q asked Janeway to run away with him and she refused. Q asked
Picard's girlfriend to run away with him and she
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